I live once more! Things are turning around in my life: Debit Card, Anxiety, Relationships, Compulsive Internet Usage
After careful considerations whether I should close this blog or not I decided to keep it active once more. The thing about 2 week hiatus, I went to find a counselor to keep my anxiety in check. I took a recommended break from the Internet (sorta) to focus on other things to get out of the way. From what I can tell, quite a bit happened while I was away. My counselor told me to draw to keep my hobby alive. It has helped me feel organized. My motivation/drive to get through the day are starting to get better, from what I was told, I needed to get something more to eat and adding in more hours in my sleep. Overall, I’m feeling a bit more lively than usual! Man, I just wished I could have done this much sooner. I remembered thinking I didn’t need “help” and I thought to myself that I could handle everything to myself. I was wrong, and I am REALLY sorry for those who are very dear and close to me in real life, I just needed someone to talk some senses into me. I spoke with my family again (well kinda). Everything was awkward because I haven’t really spoke much around them that often. At least no one hated me that I ignored them for some time. Oh and I got my Debit Card replaced and renewed so things are starting to look up! Can’t believe I beat myself up for losing that damn piece of plastic!
I’m getting fed up with my anxieties for the past weeks away from home (not counting weekends). I’m looking for a counselor to help me get over or at least help keep my anxieties in check with the motivation that I’m drain of. I hate how it interferes with my passion to draw something at least shitty with no effort, I literally can’t. I just need to find a person that could help me in my real life to get through my everyday task. I almost thought about shutting down my blog multiple times. I don’t know why, I just felt like it for no reason and I will doubt it will come to it (hopefully). Everyday feels the same, I feel like a rusty bin of trash with moldy rubbish that just recently been vomited on and filled to the brim with unmentionable things of god-who-knows what. Just about everything about my plans aren’t going great: one of my friend got sick, my paycheck came late, I was late for my rent almost risking myself losing my apartment, and almost got robbed both my car and apartment.
There are others that has at least been supportive or just blog a few things for me to get my mind off of things I cared less about conflicting my life. I just want to say “thank you” and appreciate the support, but as of right now I have my own battles going through the process of studying in my courses, late rent payment, financial short-comings, clearing my missing debit card fiasco, and losing my passion to do what I love to do.
I hate having to lose the “drive” to even pick up my pencil and sketch something fairly simple. I know I shouldn’t force myself to draw something because I’ll lose that passion to draw even more. I was told to put if off and wait until I feel like drawing again. But for how long? I’m honestly scared to lose interest in art because of the amount of responsibility. So if there are others like me, please do share your experience how you guys get over that “hump”.
So I cancelled my missing card in case if it falls into the wrong hands. However things gets worse for me when I discover a cop cruiser parked in my area and several cars with shattered windshields reported with missing items. I know somethings going on. News around my private apartment area or so they say there’s an increase of criminal activity. Now I’m pissed because I didn’t sign up for this after filing out my application to my apartment for a guaranteed “hassle free living”. So I’m going to be pretty quiet due to anxiety again. I may feel better next week hopefully if things gets better.
To whom ever took my card: I will never forgive you and beat the ever living shit out of you and use that shit to slam it back on your ass so I can beat it once more and don’t think you could repay me for forgiveness with money either (because you may have wasted my time and resources filing a “missing card” report and hope to god you don’t use it that same card you may have stole).